By Sharma

The quality of your thinking determines the quality of your life.

- Robin Sharma

The Denial of a Dream

I felt like an executive of a multi-national company as I sat in front of two professionals in a closed door interview. Donned in a well-designed dark green vest and an elegantly-fit black slacks, I sat up straight and placed my hands on my lap as I conversed with them in straight, New York American English, keeping eye rapport as much as possible.

Tension seemed to be buried down the deepest layer of my muscles that I did not feel any nervousness or lack of breathing. All that in my mind were, “This is it, the stepping stone. Final interview, then I am officially part of the working sector. This is my work.” Beyond any doubt and hesitation, I claimed that this is my work

Then one of the interviewees asked, “What do you see yourself ten years from now?” From a long glance at the green background wall furthering the corporate setting, I answered, “Ten years from now, I see myself as… uh… in the management position. Writing a book and being able to produce a film: those are my personal goals.” Tension seemed to be dug out from my muscle, creating a hole of silence that filled the entire room. Finally, the interviewee responded, “Oh… writing a book and producing a film… personal goals. OK,” whilst seemingly writing a remark on my resume.

After a couple of minutes, the interview ended. I felt that I got the work. I claimed it. 

Not until I received a text message a week after, and an email two weeks after, bearing a thank-you-for-your-time-taken-but-we-have-selected-another-applicant appreciation note on it. All good thoughts seemed to vanquish upon receiving a news that I never expected to have.

Then I remembered the question that was asked to me, to which I responded with an Uh: as… uh… in the management position. I reviewed my resume and checked out the objective that I have placed therein: … start-up a career… further enhance my skills in writing and public speaking… apply my theoretical and practical knowledge… in the field of broadcast journalism. I saw the hole of silence that filled the air during the interview.

And the missing circle that should have sealed it. It was a mismatch. Because I did not say the truth.

Deep in my heart, I knew, I wanted to answer, “Ten years from now, I see myself as a successful broadcast journalist in one of the biggest networks in the country.” But I did not say it – afraid that they would not grant me the position.

However, not saying it further wreaked havoc on my application.

To this, I learned to never ever deny your dream. Shout out your vision of yourself ten years from now. And let them see the conviction in your eyes and the certainty in the tone of your voice that you are going to be it – ten years from now. As St. Paul told in his letter to the Philippians, “Therefore, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

By Mikhail Gorbachev

If what you have done yesterday still looks big to you, you haven't done much today.

 - Mikhail Gorbachev

Pay attention to the littlest details

Kuya Konduktor of the Ortigas-Roosevelt

I took a bus going to a job interview one sunny afternoon.

While waiting for the call of Kuya Konduktor who I asked to signal me if when we go by Ortigas-Roosevelt, I decided to take a peek into George Gabriel's Love Life. Every page was very delighting that I became engrossed reading it. Hence, I become totally dependent on Kuya Konduktor's call for my time to get off the bus to my destination. 

After minutes of traffic and a series of bus stops, I looked out at the window and saw a blue building with a signage on it: Ortigas-Roosevelt.

Abruptly, I stood up, called for a halt of the bus and struggled to walk in the middle of the its inertia. I was alarmed that I was about to just pass by the place where I was supposed to go. I was about to blame Kuya Konduktor for he did not do his service well to a passenger in his bus, but I thought that I also committed the fault of being totally dependent on him. I, myself, must guard my way and beware of the road I went past every now and then. 

From this, I learned the importance of paying attention to the littlest details.

**********

Kuya Guard and the Applicants' Examination

I went up the 4th floor of the building where I was asked to proceed for the applicants' examination. Taking the elevator from the second to the fourth floor, I walked inches past by the guard who stood parallel the elevator doorway.

He asked, "exam po Ma'am?" "Opo, sa Testing Room 1 po," I responded, lunging towards a table with a matrix of names and details of various people. I looked closely at it, hoping to find my name on the list. Barely minding Kuya Guard's words, he uttered, "Ma'am, makinig po muna kase." I looked at him and saw a dint of irritation in his eyes. He pointed to the table where I needed to sign up my name - a meter or two apart from the one I was gazing at. Trying hard to maintain my politeness and making up for an "unpoliteness", I said, "Ah, ok. Sige po, thank you po!" and followed his instructions.

From this, I yet again learned the importance of paying attention to the littlest details. More importantly, the merit of the art of listening.

Lost - or not - in a Jungle of Debit and Credit

It was like reading a novel, finding a fault in it, and wanting to eliminate a misplaced paragraph in order to make the story coherent and clear. At the very most, in order to make the elements of the plot consistent. This was what I felt upon finding myself answering the third part of the applicants' examination in Banco de Oro (BDO).

Last Thursday, I was called for a " job interview" in BDO-Ortigas for a possible job opportunity. "The position that you will be given shall be advised to you tomorrow," said the woman on the other line. With my openness to any probable employment option withstanding my dream job in the media industry, I said yes to the call. I had a thought of Bernadette Sembrano lingering in my mind (working first in the corporate world via an employment in a bank before she got a slot in broadcast journalism). So I said to myself, "Why not? Embrace the now." After hanging up, I texted Papa to tell him about the job interview.

And so, I went. Upon entering Testing Room No. 1 where I was asked to proceed, I knew this would not be a "job interview" rather an "exam". Fellow applicants were donned in business attire, seated on chairs with a college class set-up that made me reminisce (and miss) being a student in the academe. I seated at the front row of the middle aisle and got George Gabriel's Love Life as a good read while waiting for the appointment. Half an hour later, a lady carrying piles of paper entered. She would be the proctor for the applicants' exam.

She gave instructions and set the alarm for 10 minutes for the first part of the exam which was, apparently, an essay. I answered it with ease and finished just in the nick of time for the start of the second, which was an IQ exam (exactly the same that I had in ABS-CBN). The first two parts seemed very common to me that I responded to each question, in each number, with a lack of difficulty. Not until I received the questionnaire for the third part with the heading in all capital, underlined letters: ACCOUNTING EXAM. All I whispered to myself was, "What the hell, what am I gonna do with this?" The first question baffled me most: Define Accounting (according to AICPA).

I wanted to give back the papers, tell the lady that I did not know what to answer, ask her what position am I applying for (which was an irony, by the way, because I was supposed to know what am I getting before I try to have it), and summon her that I did not have an accounting class ever in my entire life. However, it would seem arrogant and absurd for me to do that. So I just answered the exam, trying my best to understand whatever-principle-or-item-each-question-is-asking-for. Fortunately, I survived filling in the blanks of each item. I passed my paper knowing that I would flunk, and returned to the book that I was reading.

For the alloted 30 minutes of answering the ACCOUNTING TEST, I thought, "I was a rabbit lost in a jungle of debit and credit, where the animals that hid in every tree were mostly wild ones. What I must do in order to survive was to choose the tree with a bush of carrot behind it - not by way of intelligible reasoning based on laws and principles (I never had accounting classes, all I knew were basics of Finance and common arithmetic in relation to accounting) but by instinctive guesses."

It was a mismatch that ought to be corrected; a paragraph in a story that needed to be deleted. At the back of my mind, despite the interesting reading that I have in my hand, I thought: I was not supposed to be there.

The Twist

After minutes of waiting, another lady finally peered into the room and called two names; on the second time, mine was included. I went down with fellow applicants (who were also called) discovering that they also did not have any knowledge on accounting because they were from other courses as well (business administration and information technology were some). Together, we waited at the lobby for further instructions, expecting a Thank-you-for-your-time-taken-for-this-but-we-have-chosen-another-candidate note from the company. Nonetheless, what happened was the other way around.

Another lady talked to us and gave each one of us a note bearing the following: person to conduct the interview, time of interview, requirements, and contact details. We have been scheduled for an interview (this time, really an interview)! What I felt was a mixture of amazement, mesmerization and excitement. I asked her how the got my contact number because I did not even apply for any position in BDO (not even in my wildest dreams). She said that probably the persons tasked for this got it from Jobstreet, or from a referral note given to applicants. The thought of the interview schedule overrode her indefinite answer.

The position would be given to us on the interview per se. I would just wait and see whether I was lost - or not - in a jungle of debit and credit. If the department where I would be designated (where the application was headed for) would be public relations, in-house advertising or marketing, I think I would not be lost.

But if it would still be about debits and credits, I would be.

If it is Written

I wish there is a device that instantly jots down whatever thought you have in mind, inasmuch as a thought that leads to another creates an idea that becomes a concept. The concept becomes an art; it becomes a science.

Given that, an idea in a second can produce a genius in an hour. And a word in one’s mind can lead to a beautiful writing if it is written – a poetry, a fiction, a narrative, a song.

If it is written.

That is why I wish there is a device that instantly jots down a thought in mind. 

Of Freedom and Hope

In all things, always give thanks! You might not be where you want to be, but neither are you where you used to be. If it hasn’t happened yet, that doesn’t mean it won’t happen. A delay is not a denial from God … in His own time, He will make all things beautiful!

A timely message of the Assumption is that, with God’s help, we can rise above whatever weighs us down or burdens us. We need not be pressed down or imprisoned forever. It is a beautiful message of freedom and hope. - Fr. Jerry Orbos, A Mother’s Wish (Philippine Daily Inquirer, 15Aug2010)

I Went to a Job Interview with my Flip-flops On

I was all dolled up for the interview scheduled at 7:30 in the morning. With black slacks, white buttoned and collared blouse, I left home an hour and a half before the scheduled time. “Mag-iintervew ka naka-tsinelas ka?” Mama joked as I bade goodbye before leaving. “Hindi ah, may dala akong sandals,” I responded with an eager defense. I was carrying my favorite blue abaca bag with my red, plastic file case where I placed my resume and samples of IMC and advertising works during college. Inside my hand-carry was my white stilettos which I haven’t worn for a year-and-a-half already (that was why I thought of wearing it apart from the other two which I use more often).

Walking towards a destination would always be easiest with a map on one’s hand. Nonetheless, I was not able to print the map of the tower’s vicinity where I would be having the interview. With the picture of the map in my head, I went off Shaw Boulevard station of the MRT and walked going south. St. Francis, Edsa Central… I saw this on the map. I continued walking, hoping to find a building named Summit One Tower. Unable to stumble on it after a couple of minutes, I decided to enter Cityland and asked the security guard where it was. “Ah, don yun sa kabila, lampas pa ng fly-over. Malayo pa yun. Mag-jeep ka na lang.” With an uncertainty of the jeepneys’ route (I was unfamiliar with the place, Shang-rila and Megamall were the only landmarks I know there), I opted to take a cab instead.

Inside the cab, I took off my flip-flops and changed to my stilettos. I noticed that one of the straps on the right foot (covering my toes) was already removed. I pulled and placed it inside my bag, with high hopes that all the others were still firm enough to hold and groom my feet. Anyway, the removed strap was very unnoticeable (unless you count the left and right, and compare it).

The time ran very swiftly that I dropped off the cab at almost 7:30 am. I knew I would be late. The manong did not have enough barya to change my hundred. Hurriedly going out of the cab towards the tower to look for someone to change my hundred-peso bill, the straps of stilettos on my right feet snapped! I ended up walking like a cripple. All I was able to say, “Shocks, natanggal!” I walked pulling my right feet to the side where I changed again to my flip-flops.

With the clock ticking fast past 7:30 am, I was only left with a choice of accepting whatever amount the manong had (which was 15 pesos less than my supposed change). I ran fast to the elevator at once upon entering the tower (which screeched a loud Miss mag-paregister ka muna from the security guard because I was so fast-and-not-mindful-of-anything-or-anyone-anymore). Upon entering Unit 605 where the office was, I saw the other applicants in black, closed leather shoes and looked unto mine – not black, closed leather, but fresh flesh of toes with a rubber beneath. Wow, very INformal. I gave out my resume to the desk lady hoping that she did not notice my beautiful feet.

I waited and talked to fellow applicants until I was called. Good thing the interview was more of an orientation other than a formal interview (the project with which the work would revolve around was explained in a not-so-formal manner) by the boss who was kind enough not to notice what I was wearing on my feet. All in all, the interview went well. I ended up not getting the work not because I did not pass, but because I turned it down because of its night-shift schedule.

Embarrassed because I went to a job interview with my flip-flops on, though, I learned:

• Fit your footwear first and make sure it’s still VERY MUCH OK before deciding to bring it in an occasion. However new it may look like, its parts may already be old – and snap and fail you! Take it from me: I WALKED LIKE A CRIPPLE BECAUSE OF MY SEEMIGNLY NEW-LOOKING BUT OLD, NOT-USED-FOR-A-LONG-TIME STILETTOS WHICH SNAPPED RIGHT THEN AND THERE.

 

A crippled walk. Flip-flops on a job interview. Fail.

• Prepare barya in the morning so that manongs will not have an excuse to give you a change less than what you are supposed to have.
•  Print a map of a not-so-familiar place so that you won’t get lost. Also, you will not spend your time walking a distance where you were not expected to be at.  
• Flash that gentle smile and have a direct eye-to-eye contact during interview. It does help. J

Even in my wildest dreams, I never thought I would go to a job interview with my flip-flops on.

I Love this Feeling

One good thing about loving someone who loves you back: you believe in hope and the power of waiting, just as you hoped and waited the way you did when you still never knew that he existed.

I Need my Umbrella

Drops of water strongly bang the roofs that are mostly metal and plastic. Half an hour later, the sun peeks again from the clouds that have turned to strato-cumulus from cumulo-nimbus. At dusk, it rains again. Truly, weather nowadays are very unpredictable – outweighing the essence of wet and dry season that tropical countries like the Philippines are expected to have. As what an advertisement claims, “Ngayon ay panahon na ng suddenly.”

Ngayon ay panahon na ng suddenly. It just dawns on me that this phenomenon does not only apply to weather-season changes, but also to life. Life transforms in just a blink of an eye.

A month ago, I was called for an interview in an HR firm in Makati. As unexpected as it was, it paved way for me a potential employment in Thomson Reuters where a high school friend was also working. With my friend’s explanation of how her work there goes – which was supposedly what I would have – I instantly felt the desire to work the same way. Though, it was not really the kind of first job that I was anticipating (and praying for as well). But I felt my application was blessed because I passed the initial assessment and the initial interview, leading me to the final interview.

Claiming that it would already be the job that I would first have – ever in my entire life – I did not look for any other potential employment. I went to the final interview and talked with eloquence and confidence to the managers of the company. Upon being asked by friends how the interview was, I responded with ease, “It went well.” I really felt it went well, and told myself that weeks from now, I would already be signing a contract.

Until suddenly, six sweet days of hopes and dreams after the interview, I learned that I did not pass the application. “Thank you for trying some time off to try applying for this position”: this was the most pleasant words that I could read in a text message that I received from the HR firm which referred me to TR. Suddenly, all my plans and visions vanquished into thin air.

It is not only weather that unpredictably changes, but also the occurrences that happen in life. At one point you are healthy, until your head, stomach or breast aches; you will just learn that your health is at stake and shall only be living for six months. At one point you feel love, until adultery sets in and devours all the love in a man’s heart. At one point, you are hopeful; in an instant, your hopes will dissipate and convert into frustration and anguish.

Ngayon ay panahon na ng suddenly. In times like this, when the strength of the sun instantly becomes drops of rain – with the distressing sound of thunder and the alarming sight of lightning behind dark, speedy movement of clouds – we need an umbrella to protect us from being soaked in rain (or dark tan from the harmful UV rays of the sun). We need an umbrella of faith to shield us from the dizzy effect of being immersed into the twists and turns of life.

This is what I need right now. For minutes, I have doubted and have talked to God like a child who has been deprived of a matchbox after being enticed in a toy store – where, in the first place, I never intended to go. Oh, little faith. I see myself as Peter who have submerged into the sea after testing the waters with just a dint of faith in his heart, to whom God has said, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?”

Probably, my umbrella of faith is broken – or needs a repair. May it be repaired by my prayers and worship to the Lord.

I believe, I am being redirected to the true and real desires of my heart.

---

"We will never ever know the ultimate reason for our existence... the only possible answer to the question is I DON'T KNOW.

.. The only possible solution: to follow our dreams. Having the courage to take the steps we always wanted to take is the only way of showing that we trust in God. As soon as we accept this, life takes on a sacred meaning...

We don't look for an answer, we accept, then life becomes more intense, much more brilliant, because we understand that each minute, each step we take, has a meaning that goes beyond our individuals... We realize that there is a reason for us being here, and for us, that is enough."

-          Brida, Paulo Coelho

On Maps and Dapitan, Zamboanga

I almost fainted in hunger while looking for a comprehensive map of Zamboanga Del Norte where I can find Rizal's exile place - Dapitan City - in our library's map room. Dust aggregates literally covered my hands as I delve into the drawer of region maps. In what region can Zamboanga del Norte be found? Memory gap attacked me once again, disabling my not-so-good memory bank to present a good answer. I referred to the BIG BIG BIG Philippine political map at the corner of the room. It seemed like it was sternly looking at me with a dint of insult while shouting the answer, "Zamboanga del Norte is in Region IX: Western Mindanao!" Withstanding my gentleness, I answered back with a humble thank you. The BIG BIG map helped me in a BIG BIG way.

The Western Mindanao map, however, didn't provide a clear picture of Dapitan City. Fool. How am I supposed to expect a regional map to vividly stage a SPECIFIC city with its CORRESPONDING street names? My common sense failed me (or I failed my common sense?). Furthermore, I searched for it in the Philippine Atlas but was still unsuccessful. Instead, what I found was a panoptic map of Luzon's NCR cities - FAR FAR FAR from Mindanao's Zamboanga. We also needed it, actually, for the other group assignment about Rizal-related street names in Sampaloc. Nevertheless, I wasn't the one assigned in it (mine was to look for those in ZAMBOANGA!). I took a peek at it, anyhow, but my stomach was badly protesting for a retreat. So I brought it back and went down to munch in my sandwich.

In short, wala akong napala sa Map room. I just starved myself trying to look for that crappy map which I didn't find. On the brighter side of it (despite my starvation) I learned four things about our library's map room (ehem! trying to be positive!):

1. Leave your I.D. to the Religion section's porter before entering;
2. You need not to ask for any lady/gentleman to look for the material you want because it is you, yourself, who's gonna bulldoze the racks, drawers and shelves;
3. Be with someone who has a SHARPER memory and a BETTER common sense (haha);
4. Bring alcohol (or soap, if possible) to get rid of the dust after you play with them along with the VERY CLEAN maps.

Even though I didn't find what I was looking for in that VINTAGE room, my sincere Thank You! And before I forget, to the BIG BIG BIG political map which heated up my frozen memory bank. :)

---

Not being able to successfully search for a comprehensive Dapitan City map in our library's map room, I proceeded to the Internet hub (in our library again) with the same aim.
 

A number of websites plainly gave me pictures and ambiguous maps of it, but one title header caught my attention: Welcome to the Philippine Province of Zamboanga del Norte. It greeted me with a big smile, and I smiled back :). A few clicks away, I knew, I would be able to achieve one of the things that I've wanted for the day: the crappy map. And yes, it didn't fail me. Links from the site led me to the Dapitan City website. And here's what I found:

A zoomed in version would glowingly present the exact and concrete street names of Dapitan City. I already had the list with me, and I'm now excited and ready to do my (our) assignment in our Rizal course.

What street names in Dapitan, Zamboanga are related to Jose Rizal? How are these related to our national hero? List them down. To be passed on November 29, 2007(tomorrow!).

***Posted this in my first ever blog http://ellefrettub.blogspot.com (which I apparently deleted to lessen web clutter) on November 28, 2007. Because of being a very great help to students who are doing the same research, I am posting it here again :)

35 "Likes" at 1:52 am, August 3

34 likes and 29 comments were the hits for my Facebook activity Jamelle went from being "single" to in a relationship. There were some friends who even message-d me, texted me, and chatted me to confirm this. All of them responded with a positive note: "I'm very happy for you!"

As of 1:10 am, August 3 (Tuesday)

Hours before I turned into a "girlfriend" from being "single", I was really distracted and confused with the feeling that I have. I have been in an irony: the period of courtship is too short, so if I gave a "yes" and answer with a 'too' to the three-word, eight-letter phrase - that is oftentimes mistaken as a question other than an expression - I could be dubbed as an easy-to-get girl. In addition, I was afraid it would be very easy for my guy to ditch me off; as the popular cliche says, "The longer the courtship, the stronger the relationship would be." 

On the other hand, though, I felt this strong distraction would already be a good go-signal to elevate our good-friendship-level to a higher one. Anyway, I would not get as distracted and uneasy as this if it did not really matter.

It was too good to be in a silent recollection for a ministry I joined to in our community while having this dilemma. Honestly, all throughout my supposed 5-hour-silence-with-God, I had this issue in my subconscious. I was thinking as well of this good friend - see how distracted I was? The more I tried to count out the thought, the stronger it has become.

Until the point of reality struck in: I must admit that I have already loved and cared enough. Upon pondering on the friendship that I have built, the omens from the heavens as to how this has been a sweet blessing for both of us, and the significance that I have placed on whatever we have at the moment, I gave in. My heart whispered a question to the One Above; it answered with a positive silence. This positive silence I equated to peace that I have felt within me.

So it happened. In a minute, I've got a boyfriend. In a minute, I've responded to a sweet "YES" to a relationship that shall be built in trust, understanding and firm knowledge of each other.

In a minute, I've discarded fears and took risks. In a minute, I felt I have grown to be more responsible, more mature.

We all learn from failed relationships and failed friendships. What's so good about a surpassed pain is you never want to repeat the mistakes you have committed when someone better comes along. And so I must do.

Back to my Facebook activity. Apparently, another one liked it, and another  one commented. So at 1:52 am, the "Likes" already reached 34, comments at 29. I would want to like it as well, but I don't have the habit of "liking" my own posts and statuses. But if I was at other people's shoes, knowing the person that I have been, I would "like" it as well. That would make it 35.

---

Be it as it may, courtship does not end in a minute, in 34 likes and 28 comments. 

It continues, so as the getting-to-know between us. As long as we care, as long as we hope.  As long as we believe. As long as we love.

NinJa (Niño and Jam): officially in a relationship on July 31, 2010 (Saturday, 7:30 pm).

Sa Pagbabasa ng mga Nakaraang Tala

Nadama ang mga pasong emosyon.

At napagtanto muli ang mga noo’y alaala.

Naamoy muli ang bango,

nalasahan ang tamis at pait,

naramdaman ang akap at halik

ng mga tao at pangyayari

na bumubuo sa nakaraan.

Nakaraang nagdulot ng sakdal na kaligayahan,

kalungkutan at katuturang

nagpahusay sa buhay.

Buhay na ngayo’y ipinagpapatuloy

Bago humimlay.

Napagtanto muli ang mga noo’y alaala,

at nadama ang mga pasong emosyon,

Sa pagbabasa ng mga nakaraang tala.

It’s a Pleasure talking to my Younger Self

I listened to my younger self – and have seen Jam’s beauty years back– when I turned to my past blog posts and read it one by one. I was supposed to browse my e-mail to check possible job-related updates, as well as see my Facebook account for latest notifications, messages and friend requests; however, our internet connection was down (for an entire day now, as my brother noticed). And so, I did not have any other choice than to browse files in my folder in the desktop to entertain my self – and redeem it from the irritation that I feel because of the down connection. Fortunately, my past blog posts did.

I listened to my younger self as I read my past blog posts. I realized, I wholly owned the fulfillment of my dreams, and was a true idealist in terms of issues and circumstances. I was a firm believer of good habits and good practices – loathing smoking, trying to redeem a friend from her depression, writing interminably to express thoughts, faithfully doing homeworks, responding to duties as a student leader, studying hard to retain dean’s lister’s status, setting goals and persevering to achieve it. Meditating on own and other people’s actions, contemplating on plans and decisions for great results. I must say, If I was a reader who had chanced upon THAT old blog in the years 2006, 2007 and 2008, I will be awed by the views of THAT girl and the big potential that she has in expressing her self through writing.

Apparently, I was THAT girl. That was why I really enjoyed reading those.

Consequently, I have seen how beautiful I was years back – inside and out. I clearly remember that I lost big pounds and reached my slimmest stature during those times – when I wore the fittest blouses and skinniest jeans. I also had my smoothest skin at those; thanks to the 30 pieces of Met that I drank, and the restful state that I had. Above all, I saw the beauty that I have within: optimism, value for responsibility, and fear of the Lord. And high level of passion that I have in my tasks and craft.

What a wonderful girl. It was me years back.

If being reminiscent of the past is tantamount to getting older and acquiring age, then I must admit that I am. And at this moment, I fully appreciated who I have been in the years that passed, and I would strive to be the sweet, responsible girl that I have been once again. Doing that, I would never tire.

I have been inspired by my younger self. It’s a pleasure talking to my younger self.

I was Afraid of Change

“Pero ngayon, hindi na. Sa totoo lang, pinili ko ang mapag-isa. Nadiskubre ko kasi, masarap pala kasama ang sarili. Wala kang ibang pananagutan kundi sarili mo lang. Gusto ko rin kasi nasusunod ang lahat ng gusto, ayaw ko nang may pinakikisamahan. Gusto ko mahusay ang takbo ng mga plano ko. May kaunting takot kasi ako sa pagbabago. May kurot ng takot sa puso ko.”

That was what I said three sweet years ago when I was in second year college. Being with the same people, being in the same school, traveling the same places for 10 years since elementary and high school made me fearful to face big changes in life. That was why when I entered college, I was a young lady afraid of change.

Nonetheless, these days (now that I am already out of school with diploma and honors), I do not fear change anymore. There could probably be whispers of alarm and a light gush of blood to and fro my heart when I sense something new is going to happen, but I whole-heartedly try to embrace change. No, not TRY, but I EMBRACE change. As Robin Sharma puts it, “The wise embrace it (change)”.

At my age, I guess, it would already be a necessity. Most especially now that things are not going the way I envisioned it to be. I am not in the place I have dreamed myself of working (actually, I am still hunting for my first job), not with the people who I have expected to be enjoying time with (not being in the workplace I have dreamed myself to be meant meeting new people during interviews and recreations while still in vacation). Be it as it may, I must say that these are all blessings in disguise, because I am currently enjoying new relationships, new friendships, new places, new environment. I am joyous with whatever is happening right now; without my warm embrace for change, all these would just be equated to broken dreams instead of a sweet blessing. That is why I say at this age, an embrace to change is a necessity.

Currently, I am praying for a good news to come my way with regard to a final interview that I had in the week that passed for my first job. Please pray for me as well, and together, let’s embrace twists and turns of fate everyday of our life. Let us just always remember the words in Desiderata, “No doubt, the universe is unfolding as it should.”

When I told Papa I already have a Boyfriend

We went to my cousins’ double birthday celebration yesterday afternoon. Mama and I came a bit late; fortunately, a table was reserved for us. And so when we arrived, we went straight to it at once.

I thought Papa was already inside the fast food chain because his car was already parked outside. Nonetheless, he was not. Mama said he was still watching the day’s horse race at a nearby restaurant. Minutes later, he arrived. He sat at the vacant space on the couch where I was seated.

We started munching on the spaghetti and chicken we had on our table. Mama and Papa talked about some things, until Mama told him, “May boyfriend na ‘yan… sinagot na niya (her gaze moving from Papa to me).” He did not hear at once; she reiterated. At her second utterance, he turned to me – with widened eyes straightly looking unto mine. I responded with a giggle, “Opo :D.” He exclaimed, “Siguraduhin mo lang na ‘di ka sasaktan non! Baka ikaw pa bumuhay ‘don!” “Wala pa kasing ganon,” I answered.

Apparently, what I have in mind right now is the feeling of having a good friendship with a good guy friend who I call my boyfriend – no more, no less. I am currently embracing each moment, each time that I get to spend with him because I believe God has given him to me to teach me something; consequently, I to him. We have been angels to each other – apart from I being a girlfriend to him, and he being a boyfriend to me.

However, I do understand Papa’s concern – her little girl now a lady, truly. With his unceasing trust, I have learned to be responsible. That is why, with this new relationship that I have, I ought to be responsible.

I would never ever forget how Papa’s eyes widened when I told him I already have a boyfriend.

The Calling

I have found my calling. Probably, it really is writing.

What I have written in “My Biggest Mission in Life” is true. My heart knows it.