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                                   Jamelle Ann's 24th birthday in 14 frames.

                     

                                                     With Feast friends

      

                     

                       With office friends where I share the same birthday with Sir Ed

And... A bonus birthday last weekend. With my fellow June babies Tay Nin and Atty. Rhina with out good friend Terry.

                      

                                     Our foursome trip down south in Tagaytay ❤

       

Thank you Lord for a great 24th. I know 'tis just an awesome start :) Hawak-kamay!

Silence of lambs

A sign said, "Please turn your phone into silent mode." I turned my phone into vibrate mode and my ipad's volume at its lowest. Then, we went inside.

It was my first time at the Pink Sisters Convent in Tagaytay - one of those places I've been wanting to go to since last year. As we walked towards the center of the church, I could feel and hear the beat of my heart. It was beating faster than the usual - a sign of excitement and overwhelm for a dream coming true right before my eyes.

Atty. Rhina and Tay Nin went to the pew beside the middle aisle. Terry and I sat at the one beside theirs. They immediately knelt down and began their prayer. I - as astounded and amazed as I was - couldn't go down on my knees at once. For a few minutes, I was musing praises and thanksgiving in my heart while sitting upright. I turned my gaze to the nuns in pink - thus explaining how the convent's moniker was coined -  who were at peace while down on their knees before the altar. There was a great railing divide between their prayer area and the faithful's place. I thought, "How sweet and amazing it is to just praise, worship, give thanks, and talk to God for hours in a place as serene as this?"

I couldn't quite express my joy in words. Silence embraced me, and all I had in my heart were pure thanksgiving and praise. I thanked God for my friends who I have been with in that trip, for my family who has been there for me from birth until forever, for a simple yet love-filled birthday, for another year of breakthroughs, for my job and a career in the offing, for my spiritual family, for my angels everywhere. 

I finally found my good time to kneel down, close my eyes, and clasp my hands in a position of prayer. For a few minutes, I was away from the world. I was insulated from chaos. My heart was in real peace. 

All I could hear was my own voice uttering words in silence.

       

                                  

Just the way it is

                                                       It is a love that's unplanned. 

It: Refers to two persons who have professed and confessed their feelings to each other. Since there are two parties in the "relationship", the whole cannot be monopolized for each side has her own story. You cannot say how much a penny is worth until you see both sides. You cannot say how beautiful a stretch of a shore is until you walk through it from end to end. You have to listen to their tales and understand the beauty of their personal lives. It is only by this way you will truly understand and appreciate the value of "it" -- no more, no less.

Is: A "be" verb in the present tense. It connotes time. It links the subject "it" to the predicate (which happens to be a complex one). 

Love: Merriam-Webster has nine definitions of this overrated, complex term. She says love is "strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties." She also says it is an "an assurance of affection", as to the statement "give her my love". While it can also refer to a warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion" as to "love of the sea" or "the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration" as to "baseball was his first love". Love can also be used as a term of endearment to refer to someone special. In unadultered terms, love is "unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another as to "the fatherly concern of God to humankind", "a person's adoration of God, or "a god or personification of love." In tennis, love is a score of zero.

So many definitions, explanations, examples. Be that as it may, in human terms, love can never be expounded in mere words. It has to be shown. Like how Elizabeth Barret Browning asked, "How do I love thee?" 

Let me count the ways. 

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height 
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight 
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace. 
I love thee to the level of every day's 
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight. 
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right; 
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise. 
I love with a passion put to use 
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith. 
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose 

You have to count the ways. Yet love blossoms even in the most unexpected place and at the most unfathomable time and way. In many cases, it is unplanned.

Unplanned: You may have seen it in the offing. But you cannot say love is until it is said and done. 

A nugget of truth:

Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused. - Paulo Coelho

Hands off on manipulation. No one will be placed behind bars. No analysis -- or over-analysis, at that.

Just plain, unadultered, pure love. Just the way it is.

Honeys :)

I was sifting through my inbox on my Facebook account -- which has some 20+ unread messages and I wonder why -- when I found this.

                          

It was Kai's message, linked as an attachment. I didn't see the pic at once because I read her message only via BB FB app which doesn't show attachments. Di ko tuloy na-appreciate agad kasi di ko agad nakita tsk. :)

It's me and my honey Kai. That's us, crazies nyahaha :) 

      

Lots of shiz at 2 a.m.

                                     Shiz n. \sheez\ Refers to anything. Synonymous to stuff.

                                   Ex. Shiz like that shouldn't be allowed to just come to pass!

                                             What are you holding? That shiz is adorable!

Shiz is a term I learned from my friend Queen. She uses it often during random conversations. As a noun, shiz is interchangeable with stuff. For example, she would say, "Ang saya non, Jam! Yung mga ganong shiz" or "Kulang sa thought, lagyan mo ng word, kahit anong shiz..."

Allow me to share the shiz I have in my mind right now.

1. I had one of the toughest week I ever had at work. Well, it was a rollercoaster ride. We had a new producer on Monday, we were informed about a possible promotion on Tuesday, we had a terrible and tiring Wednesday and Thursday, and we had a smooth-flowing and easy Friday. While en route home on Friday, I could barely resist my eyes begging for brief shutdowns while I was on a cab. I could feel my body being literally pulled down to the hearth for a much-deserved rest. When I arrived home, I laid down and slept for about two hours - with my work clothes on - before I finally mustered the energy to wash-up. Dead-tired, truly.

Nonetheless, I am thankful. God pushes you to your limits and rocks your boat for you to look farther and go beyond the horizon. I was never expecting the announcement from my boss. I have been pondering of expressing my intent to do something else at work. But then, we have been offered this. I'm giving it a try, so I can learn the ropes even more and see how much more I can do. I learned you won't always be given what you want, but the world will give you options to help you get what you want. I'm making the office my professional playground where I can compete with myself, and at the same time, goof around with my colleague-friends. I will always have to bear in mind that everything I have right now are answered prayers. Even if some have yet to be answered -- still, they are answered, but in a manner of "wait".

2. Eraserhead's "With a Smile" just popped in my mind. 

Lift your head

Baby don't be scared

Of the things that could go wrong

Along the way

You'll get by with a smile

You can't win at anything

But you can try

My brain is a DJ-radio tandem of sort: it plays a song that expresses what I feel. So there, we'll get by with a smile.

3. Our new producer is really getting into my nerves. I dislike many things about him. Professionally speaking, he rants about so many things very publicly that I am often tempted to ask him, "Sir, gusto mo pa ba yung ginagawa mo? May choice ka naman e." Yet I realize that at times, we just have to let go of what we can't change and get by with them. In this case, the above-mentioned attitude of my co-worker. Again, we'll get by with a smile.

4. I am blessed with good people wherever I go. I got new friends in the office who are gradually becoming so dear to me. And they actually helped me live in the week that passed. Angels abound!

5. Mama and Papa are not in good terms for more than a week now. Before Mama went to sleep, she told me, "Kausapin mo na yang Papa mo...." Et cetera et cetera. I am not used to things like this. I don't like being caught in the middle. Yet being the panganay, I have to step forward and make a move to patch things up. Oh, boy, I hate family issues. Let there be peace on earth.

6. I'm gaining weight again. I can feel my shorts and jeans getting more skimpy. Muffin top bulging. I have to get back to jogging again.

7. So far, I haven't read as interesting and can't-put-down book as "The Fault in our Stars". Though I'm in the quarter of "Abundance of Katherines" (also John Green's) and a few others of Green in my stash. In line are Murakami and Hosseini.

8. I went up our rooftop because I wanted to get a feel of a quiet "outside". I was actually longing for a good convo over coffee with a friend or two, yet I'm already home. I miss honest and sincere talks over coffee or milk tea. Maybe that's why I am writing shiz right now in lieu of midnight talks. 

9. My birthday is fast approaching. I have no idea what to do on that day. 

                                         

Madness begets madness

Lightning streaked through the dark evening sky, yet no rain came. I was fretting over treading on wet pavements while walking home. Since no drop fell from the heavens - despite a stark warning of a looming storm - Jigs and I got home dry, happy, and safe. 

We came from a friend's birthday bash. It was Mark's birthday - my GF Ruthie's hubby. I was actually supposed to attend to another friend's baby shower, yet I had to fulfill a promise to my brother that we're gonna watch Hangover 3. Because Ruthie's place is nearer to Greenbelt, I chose to go there. By the way, I still have to get to the Tolentino couple to say sorry that I didn't make it in their event. Why is it that some days are events-heavy while others are plain and dull and lifeless? Test of will in times like this haha.

Anyway, we did watch Hangover 3, but we ended up watching it with the gang at the Sy's home. Jow downloaded a good copy of it, so we just watched it together. Jigs and I were supposed to watch another movie after, but since it was already late, we just decided to go home. 

It was a good, steady Saturday. I got to clean my room. I got to bond with good friends. I got to see my GF who I terribly miss (see previous post). I got to watch Hangover 3.

And now, I got the luxury of time to stay in our rooftop, feel the cool breeze, and look at the skies that display a mix of velvet clouds against the black blanket of eternity. There's silence.

At night, the world is at peace. Everyone is dreaming. And souls are searching for meaning.

Before everything snaps back again to reality, when the sun illumines the sky again and wake the world up for another day.

--------

Lingering thought on Hangover 3: Madness begets madness. 

Random sweetness, yeah?

Someone who will stay up late with you over endless talks in the moonlight. Laugh out loud over inside (and outside) jokes at any given time. Do even the most nonsense things for both a laugh and an adventure. Random texts over smalltime and bigtime kiligables, good mornings, and good nights. Movie marathons, book readings, swimmings. Stories of utmost importance and kakornihan.

This girl has instantly promoted me from being a flowergirl to a maid of honor. I had a great time carrying your trail even though its weight was - I guess - a quarter of mine. Haha, kei, I'm exaggerating. But we all know that it was damn heavy, yeah?

This is weird, but everything seemed to have flashed back when I saw you a while ago. Nyahaha emo :)

Some friends will always and forever hold a dear place in your heart. My dear darling GF, you're amongst them. To infinity and beyond :)

I frakkin' miss you! 

                           

Day 160: Thankful in the Midst of Suffering

The Bible encourages us to always be thankful. That's easy when God answers prayer and delivers us from problems. But it isn't always easy when things go wrong. So how can we remain thankful in the midst of suffering?

We have two choices to make. The first is to praise God in spite of what's going on in our lives. Or another way to say that is, in the midst of our troubles and hardships, we can rejoice over the things that are not wrong in our lives.

The second choice is to ask, "God, what can I learn from this? What do You want to teach me through this so that I may be closer to You and rejoice more fully in Your goodness?" Those are not easy questions, and the answers are often hard to hear.

Sometimes we can only grasp the important lessons in our lives when we go through difficult times. Thank God that the hard times will lead you to better things.

In the midst of suffering, give thanks to God and trust Him to lead you to bigger and better things.

Prayer Starter: God, I'm thankful for Your love and Your presence. Forgive me for grumbling when things go wrong, and remind me of how many things go right in my life. I want to rejoice in You always.