Struggling, to begin with

I've struggled so much in writing the first line of this post. I did.

I usually get a boost from music, but I neither have my iPad right now or a good earphone that's compatible with my phone for a good, spontaneous, beautiful sound trip.

So I can't come up with a good introduction to let you know that despite the random, confusing, and baffling thoughts that are running in my mind, I am grateful. I have been counting my blessings daily since Monday. Today, I am already on my 4th day of my 30 days of gratitude.


Day 2 (November 26, Tuesday)

My officemate friend took a day off from work to have a check-up regarding her recurring dizziness. I was the only producer left for our afternoon news bits running every 15 minutes. We only had two writers; so technically, on this day, we were only three brains processing news bits to come up with two to three-minuter broadcast news productions. We began the grind at 2 pm and wrapped up our tasks at 5 pm.

I could say that even though we were apparently lacking in manpower, we did our job well. Every script was written well. Every production went by smoothly. There was not a single complaint from our anchor or any violent comment from any of our bosses. The two writers, Sarah and Luigi, cooperated well.

At the end of our Tuesday news bit production, I had to thank my two writers for doing well and a job well done. We were a good team. I was thankful for them, for everyone in the control room who had a hand in the on-air job, for our production manager who entrusted us with our job. I thanked God for my job and the dream He has placed in my heart that led me to where I was.

My family was well. All my loved ones were fine. I had a great, loving relationship. I was thankful for a tiring yet fulfilling day. Nothing I could ask for.


Day 3 (November 27, Wednesday)

As our coffee put it, "Good day."

I began the day in good light. I had my daily coffee and breakfast bond with Erika whom I call honey or baby. The day went by as it has always been, not until afternoon came, and my a cloud of doubt, fear, and anxiety cast my heart again.

Queen and I were prepared for a breaking news. We informed the anchor and everyone in the control room. Perhaps everyone knew what they were supposed to do. Not until someone sat in the control room and seemed to have taken the helm at producing the developing story. We surely knew what we would do, but this voice would mumble and command words that no one could counter; so we just abode by whatever she told us. Yet again, the command was ours -- is ours -- so when things went wrong, we were the one who answered for it.

That incident seemed to have creased or stained our clean and happy sheet of paper. Nonetheless, we chose to move on because it would do us no good if we would just dwell on it. So we continued with our afternoon obligations, and shortly before our primetime newscast began to air, one of our bosses gave us a waffle treat. A perk of having a friendly and cool boss haha :)

I had banana peanut. Jade had caramel. Queen had cream cheese. We had a great snack time together!

Before I capped off the day, I met a college friend for a quick yet sweet catch-up. It sort of turned into a pre-quarterlife crisis talk. She had just transferred to a new company whose office happened to be just a floor away from ours (reason why we finally found a chance to meet after over a year). She was missing her old job, and perhaps, the people in it, or most probably, a guy with whom she became really close. Based on her sharing, their relationship was a one-way love (where the love was coming from no one else but her). Anyway, in a nutshell, they didn't become lovers. Just friends.

I shared with her my current status and how happy I was. I also told her how I have been thinking venturing into a new job within the industry I have been accustomed to. We talked about our dreams, retirement plans, and the likes. More or less a really mature talk right there.

I was thankful for my daily morning coffee with my honey. I was grateful for people who challenge me to raise the bar and teach me to stand my ground. I was thankful for our boss' waffle treat. I was thankful for my night-talk with my friend.

I was thankful for everything.

I am thankful for all.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 1

I woke up to my usual morning lullaby that would never fail me to pull me up from my bed. I went to the office early -- thanks to the MRT that lovingly took part with my bagong buhay wag na ma-late (please) at magtipid na (please) goal. Everything was falling in the right place, when something seemed to have fallen out of the way. I received a text message from our executive producer:

"May emergency sa house. Di ako aabot... Text ko na lang later sina... kung makahabol ako sa... Tnx. Cc: Jam...."

Out of instinct, I kept my cool and chose to go by the day as it has been in the past months. Breakfast. Kisses. Hugs. Kulitan. Back to workstation. Do the day's line-up. Consult people. Confirm details. Cross-read news. Proofread scripts. Write (or rewrite) scripts. Follow-up stories. Ask for scripts. Seek guidance. Seek advice. Compromise. Write. Doubt. Pursue your work. Persist. Insist. Give in. Argue. Stand your ground. Argue. Question. Answer questions. Lead. Work well.

As one of our show's producers, I had to fill in the big shoes our E.P. left us for the day and assume responsibilities that could -- more or less -- make or break my career, my heart, and my dreams. Yet sticking to my instinct, I kept my cool. The day went by. 

We set sail. Blessed enough with a good day and a great team, we set sail together. It wasn't perfect. It has never been.

But we did it. We completed our noontime news program's production smoothly.

No loud voices at the end of the show. Quiet exit. And you knew, all things were ok.

Except for one (or maybe two). But that would hardly count.

We did it. And for that, I'm thankful,

Thank you for today's grace, Lord. Thank you in advance for better days.

Hold our hands forever. :)