My Dear Baby Juanson,

How are you there?

Your mommy told me that you're still small albeit growing, and by the way she said it, I could feel her excitement and joy for your coming. So many people are looking forward to see you, hold you, carry you, kiss you, and embrace you. Many kids are also squealing in excitement to play with you, learn the alphabet with you, do math with you, and learn languages with you. You are indeed a gift - a present - that we look forward to having in the very near future. 

In the meantime, while you are forming and growing in Mommy's womb, we hope and pray that you will always be well, and your growth will be in rhythm with Mommy's health and condition. Just take one day at a time, no need to hurry, because we are all willing to wait to see you. Okay? Just enjoy your formative months, and while you do, we're gonna prepare for your coming in the Juanson home.

It was your mom's birthday yesterday. You are an advance birthday gift to her :) Thank you for coming just in time, because you are her greatest reason to be happy on her special day. You are indeed a blessing to your mom and dad.

As I write this to you, please extend my message to your mom. Your mom has been dear and special to me. We've been girlfriends for over year now, and we were both amazed how this friendship has grown in just a short span of time. I pray you, too, when you grow up, you'll find many girlfriends and best friends to keep - to laugh with, weep with, share stories with, and share sleepless nights with - both in happy times, and most especially, when the going gets tough. Give her my hugs and kisses to make her feel how much I love her.

When at times I don't appear, or just dissipate into thin air, tell her not to worry, because I have an alarm in my girlfriend-room that rings loudly and violently whenever I have to be around. And if a day comes I really won't able to make it, or I will be missing in action, extend my big warm hugs to her. 

Tell her as well I intentionally didn't put up any surprise for her birthday, because as much as I want to, I cannot yet outdo myself from previous surprises. I guess she'll understand, because I'm competitive - your mom is MORE competitive (I think you need to imbibe that attitude, darling). Be that as it may, tell your mom with or without surprises, my love for her remains - in leaps and bounds.

Baby, I'm looking forward to have you as my future-daughter's girlfriend (If you're a boy, then my future-son's dude). 

Here's to healthy pregnancy, good health, more love, and a life being lived well for your Mom and Dad whose joy is overflowing to have you around.

I love you. I love your Mom who I call Mommy-GF and your Dad who I call Papa Mark.

To infinity and beyond,

Tita Jam

Nick Vujicic: From a life without limbs to a life without limits

30 years ago, in the land down under, a child without limbs was born. No one could explain what happened to him. Even the best doctors in town could not tell why he did not have arms and legs. Nonetheless, he lived.

At 10 years old, he tried to take his own life by drowning himself in a bathtub. Yet just as he was about to take his last breath, an image popped into his mind: his parents and siblings were crying on his grave. He thought of his mom and dad who insulated him from the pain of being 'different' yet did not isolate him from the joy of normal living. He thought of his brother and sister who never left his side through all the ups and downs. He woke up, got up, and lived.

Nick Vujicic speaks before thousands in the Big Dome on Monday

Today, Nick Vujicic has been inspiring thousands of people around the world. He has been touring from continents to continents to share how living a life without limbs transformed into a life without limits. Over the weekend, he shared his story to the Philippines.

"As a Christian, you are not immune to ups and downs," he said. He stressed on the need to have an unstoppable faith in God, and believe in what he has in store for us, in order to endure the pains of the world and surpass obstacles. He also said that while it is fine to look up to preachers, motivators, and celebrities as idols, we must not forget that there is only one Christ we must look up to. He said, "When it comes to example of how we should live, how we should serve, Jesus Christ is the only one we should look up to." Everything and everyone else come secondary. He urged everyone to bear in mind what the song of Psalms say, in times of doubt and unbelief: The LORD is my shepherd; there is nothing I lack.

Vujicic highlighted the importance of focusing our gaze on Christ through the story of Peter when he walked on water. The Gospel of Matthew said Peter was able to walk on water for some time. The apostle got out of the boat, stepped on the sea, and walked on the waves towards Jesus. But when he noticed the waves and the wind, doubt and fear crept in; therefore, he sank. Vujicic said if we are not going to keep our eye on Christ, we will also submerge into the sea of fear and uncertainty.

Vujicic also called on everyone to offer their all to Christ and give Him the key to their house to prevent the evil’s attacks. Homes where Christ dwells in are spared from the devil’s assault. "Give the key to your house to Jesus. He will never outchange you," he exclaimed. Vujicic likewise advised servants to prioritize their families over their ministries. And for those who are in pain, he said, "When brokenness is upon you, hold on to the truth. And the truth will set you free."

Vujicic may have physical lacks, but he did not allow them to prevent him from living the life of a fully able human. In fact, he used those "lacks" in his advantage: he allowed Jesus' light to shine through him. As he said, "Whatever broken pieces you have, if you turn them up to God, He will transform it into an unimaginable beauty."

Tough times, tougher people

It was on that fateful day of June 15, 2011 that I began to live the life I chose to have right now. New job. New people. And hopefully, a new set of friends. And God didn’t fail me.

I was the earliest and the first to arrive among the first four writers. There came a charming and chubby girl who bore the name of a chocolate – Hershey – as she was called. A few minutes later, a tall, skinny, and fair-skinned lady with legs double of mine arrived. She was Tin.

We were all awaiting our boss for an orientation. It was about an hour past our call time. Another girl barreled past the door and hastily sat down before us. She was in an off-white shirt with a sketch of a girl, a skirt, and cute sandals. She looked tired, yet undeniably young, youthful, and vibrant. A few Q and A’s, and we knew her name. She was Ela. I wasn’t mistaken in telling that she was indeed tired, because she came from Cavite – about a two hour ride from our office.

They became my first set of friends in this job. Weeks followed, then there came the noisy but lovely Queen, yummy Jade, willful Pom, and nice Monica. After a few months, there was not-so-quiet Kris. She was shortly followed by smarty Gin. After a year was animated Lee. Then, helpful Jode.

Some left earlier than expected. Most stayed. From the first airing where bloody graphics job was always something to shy away from, up to the very first coverage, to the updates, Network News, Newsday, Nightly News, and now, to the elections. Those were tough times. Yet they all didn’t last, because only tough people last. We lasted and outlived them, because we were all tough people. 

And I know, as we part ways and move forward to where we wanted to be, we would always outlast tough times. Because we would always be tougher than them.

Disclaimer: Red Alert, Unhappy

I've come to a point when I already feel fed up of doing so many things without getting anything from it. I mean, yes, I'm happy for my friends and fellows getting their desires. I'm also joyous to take part in their happiness as they embark in another journey and do the things that they've also wanted to do.

But human nature dictates that when you give in, you must also be given in return. It's like getting a piece from a jar of candies and not being able to to refill it to keep it full. I'm not asking for anything from my friends or anyone. It's like I feel nothing is happening in my life. However I give, however I love the things I'm tasked to everyday, however I exert effort to make it to a higher level, however I take a best foot forward, at the end of each day, nothing makes sense. As months pass by, everything goes down the drain.

Take it from my work, for example. I've got officemates getting promoted. I'm happy for them - well, in fact, they are my friends, so I'm perfectly and sincerely happy for them. For myself, however, I am not. As an employee, you're seeking appreciation. In the corporate world, appreciation translates to incentives, a raise, or promotion. I think I'm doing well - not perfectly, though. But I'm giving myself a tap on the shoulder for improvements. Yet when the going gets tough, and something gets f*cked up, the finger of blame goes to you. Even if you don't have any hand on it.

I'm sad, right now. There are now nights I spend in tears, asking God in prayer why it takes Him very easily to give things to some without working very hard for it. I gotta turn my world upside down, go down the mud and get my hands dirty, and stumble and fall whenever I want to excel. Isn't that unfair? Despite being good. In spite of loving and sharing. Amidst giving myself to others when they're in need and trouble.

I'm losing my passion. I'm sort of repelling tasks and favors being asked of me, because my love tank has already run out of gas. And my fuel is going to an "E". I'm driving still, albeit going down a crash.

I'm talking to you, white space, because I know you won't judge. And I know you will just listen.

Give me a hug.

Habemus Papam

It was a breaking news on Twitter which everyone was reposting; yet again, you couldn’t say something was official unless it was spoken by a credible source. Then, it came. Vatican Spokesperson Federico Lombardi dropped the bomb which sent shockwaves all over the world – triggering both sympathy and speculations as to what was truly happening within the walls of the Vatican. Minutes later, the Holy See released an official statement bearing the message – which said it real and straight: After having repeatedly examined my conscience before God, I have come to the certainty that my strengths, due to an advanced age, are no longer suited to an adequate exercise of the Petrine ministry. 

Pope Benedict XVI now has more than a week to remain in the seat of the Holy See. On February 28, the highest office of the Catholic Church will be declared vacant as Benedict leaves the Papacy after eight years. In March, one of the 117 cardinals will took the helm and succeed Peter.

Pope  Benedict XVI leading Sunday's Angelus (REUTERS)

Benedict or Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger led the Church’s Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith for 24 years before he took over the Papacy. He became famous for his monikers “Cardinal No” and “God’s Rottweiler” for taking up firm stances involving Catholic teachings. He led efforts to crack down on religious pluralism and other challenging issues which have polarized the Church. Working closely with Pope John Paul II and heading the College of Cardinals by the time John Paul died, he was picked by his colleagues to take the seat of the Holy See. By then, he was 78. 

Benedict, now 85, said he was no longer fit to lead the Church due to deteriorating “strength of mind and body”. He was the first Pope to resign in the modern times – 600 years after Pope Gregory XII stepped down. Some said Benedict had given premonitions of his resignation four years ago, when he left his pallium – a symbol of papal authority – on the tomb of Pope Celestine V. Celestine, in the 13th century, also bowed out from the Papacy. 

Faithful looking up the Saint Peter's Basilica during Sunday's Angelus (REUTERS)

Benedict will spend his retirement in a small lake town southeast of Rome where popes traditionally have their summer. Meanwhile, in the Vatican, priesthood work will continue for the cardinals who will choose among them the next leader of the Church. All eyes will again be on the Sistine Chapel, waiting for a white smoke and a resounding announcement for another age in the Catholic Church’s history, Habemus papam.

Of Masses and Messages

Last Sunday, Ruthie and I heard the Mass at the Greenbelt chapel. It was among those moments we spend together when we can talk about all of everything in the sky and end up parting ways late at night. It was a good Sunday night to begin the week. Even though I slept late - despite the first day of the work-week the following day - I was filled and happy.

Apart from our sharings and stories, what struck me the most were the message from the Homily and what happened during the communion. I could barely remember the specific Gospel, yet there was this verse from one of the readings that forayed me into hope and a strengthened faith:

Do not be saddened this day, for rejoicing in the Lord will be your strength. 

- Nehemiah 8:9-10

The past weeks were weathered and not-at-all-good. Clouds of doubt and fear hovered above me and rained on questions regarding my career, relationships, travel plans, and a whole lot more. It inundated my heart with skepticism as to how I would be able to achieve my goals amid all impediments, how I would be able to fulfill my roles, how I could help up finance our dream home, how I would be able to put up a certain event for a good friend amid my 'unstable' emotions. I had many fears; insecurities came up like arachnids conquering a tree to save themselves from high floods. I thought of myself as incapable - in all aspects.

Until that verse came like a thunder that woke me up from a nightmare. It seemed God whispered to the heavens to stop the rain and blow winds of hope instead. And so I found hope, at the very least.

Rejoice in the Lord. It will be your strength.

------------

It was a first Friday last Friday, and so Achie and I decided to date out beginning with a first Friday mass. I was late - in fact, I even failed to hear the readings and the Gospel. Yet God did speak to me from the moment I stepped on the pavement until the time I finally entered the chapel.

From afar, I was hearing echos of the voice of one of my most favorite priests. I got excited to hear his Homily, even though I knew, he was already half-way to the end. I was wondering what he was talking about, until the muffled, babbling sounds transformed into a crystal clear voice of beauty. "He just wants you to develop that virtue: patience. When you wait, God is just around, with you." I continued walking towards the chapel entrance nearby where my friend was seated and waiting. All of the priest's messages came out like bullets from a shotgun aimed at no one - but me.

I couldn't help but smile while I was walking. "Oh God, thank you for speaking to me. You never fail indeed, true to your words."

Armed. And Dangerous.

White shirt, black belt, and rubber shoes were the go-to attire in yesterday's annual leadership assembly of the Feast at the PAF Gymnasium in Villamor Air Base. We were no militiamen or soldiers, yet we were sent as warriors for God's battle. Caring group leaders, ministry heads, Feast councils were called to recharge and be reminded of their purpose in the family. 

Some shed tears; others leaped in joy. All were ecstatic to see one one another and gather to give glory to God the Father. Bo Sanchez gave the talk in full military gear - minus firearms and explosives - in line with the theme "Armed and Dangerous". He talked about the three levels of community life.

Deliriousness. Disenchantment. Devotion. Those who have just begun in their service find themselves in a perfect haven, treating their leaders as angels and saints, and seeing the community as a perfect place on earth. They are delirious with what appears to be a sinless and chaste group of people who are devoted to serving God. Nevertheless, those who have been in the family for quite a long time know the faults and frailties of one another. Some become quite discouraged and stay in the team just-because. This leads them to stagnancy: they remain where they are and don't aim for greener pastures and higher aims. 

There are those who, despite failures and imperfections of those in the spiritual family, remain and seek better things not only for themselves, or for those in the community, but most of all, for the unchurched and those outside the group. They reach the third and ultimate level of community life: devotion. They know the people around them are insecure - of what they have, unanswered prayers, stagnant career and financial life, and chaotic relationships and family - but they also know they have their own insecurities and admit them fully and wholeheartedly. 

I am blessed to have been with the Light of Jesus family for almost three years now. I was a fresh grad when I started attending the Feast. Back then, I was searching for a job, yet I was led to this. It never failed to bring me hope whenever the going gets tough and my prayers seem unheard and unanswered. Being with my friends in the community fills up my love tank and makes me feel secure.

Yesterday, we were given our combat manual: the Bible. We were also given the Companion. These give me no excuse to read God's word everyday and do daily prayer routine.

Hashtag: THANKFUL.

The Holy Bible enclosed in a 'Combat Manual' cover :)

God doesn't call the qualified. He qualifies the called. Heed God's call. Don't fret over spiritual families as cults or what-have-you. They are a treasure :)

Unworthy.

My Makati Feast family :)

After the gathering, we watched the Les Miserables at the Resorts World. Such a magnificent watch. Next for this week: Life of Pi. Must finish the book :)

Laughter-filled snack-or-dinner at Stackers while awaiting Les Mis :)