On Making Wishes

I’m feeling the desire to jot down my thoughts first before I close my eyes for a good sleep, because I know I would just play with random and mixed ideas in my mind once I stare into the black screen towards dozing off. Hence, I decide now to write so I could better put those ideas into good use. I would like to record a minute portion of the 60,000 thoughts that have crossed my mind for 24 hours.

I’ve been from another session of praise and worship in The Makati Feast with this night’s topic on waking up one’s wishes. Timely, because I’m still pondering on which job am I going to choose. (By the way, I have been given a grace period until Tuesday to decide on the contract-signing for the web writer post in the SEO company in Makati. Hopefully, the interview for the researcher post in the radio broadcasting company comes on Monday, so I could discern and weigh the options well.) Being given a longer time to decide allows room for coming up with more possibilities and reasons to get-this-or-that, in an incessant attempt to come towards a good resolution where all considerations are met in a fair compromise. Though as of now, my decision still changes from one to the other.

In high hopes that as the day progresses, and the deadline comes, I could say a confident yes to one, and a kind no to the other. This is the way I want to make a choice and take a chance.

Back to wishes. I realize that my wish, since the dawn of my graduation day, is to acquire a good position in the radio broadcasting company. Yes, I know, this employment opportunity is indeed a blessing, if not an answered prayer (scan through my Novena to God’s Love and it’s there). With all honesty, I have hesitated to go to other broadcasting companies and wholeheartedly enter halls and offices of companies in the corporate arena, because I have always set in my mind that I would be there, with the people I have met and worked with during my internship as my colleagues. That was a vision in all clarity. However, with the circumstances that I am now at, the vision becomes blurry. 

And I think I, myself, is deleting a prayer request because of the apparent satisfaction and happiness I am experiencing in serving my new family.

I am happily beginning to serve in the Light of Jesus (LOJ) Community, attending seminars, prayer services, workshops, and the Feast. All activities usually come at night to meet the schedule of the organizers and the participants who are mostly coming from ordinary daytime offices. With the possibility of the schedule of the position with which I will be assigned in the radio broadcasting be in a night shift, if not a graveyard shift, I could not possibly attend to my service in our community. A thought of this saddens me, though God has been very generous enough to still give this opportunity.

For all those who know me, they know how truly, madly, deeply I desire to pursue a career in broadcast journalism. Having that researcher slot NOW is a good start, ain’t it? I’m starting young, and it would not probably be long enough to make even a wind-chime noise in the industry. Now, I’m given that opportunity, but that could probably compromise, if not set aside, my service to my new family. This is one of the biggest considerations I am pondering upon now (though the schedule is still to be confirmed when I finally, hay please come na, have the interview).

Second consideration which I have, ironically, is the starting salary. My parents want me to choose the one with a bigger salary. My father, however, adds that he wants me to choose where I can prosper. Nonetheless, I see prosperity in work not a big problem to me because the job options I am faced with right now are both close to my heart (one is writing, the other is media). So working real hard would not, I guess, be very difficult to me (by God’s bountiful grace). Although I still don’t know how much the salary in the radio company is, what I have heard of is that it only gives minimum for starters. So the web writer post hitches the point, because it surprisingly offers a starting salary that goes way above the minimum for a fresh, inexperienced graduate.

Third consideration I have is, uhm, myself. I’m still struggling on inferiority issues I have (a real yuck). Hell yes, a shallow reason. But let’s admit the fact that people are dearer to reporters who’ve got the porcelain skin, good physique, and a charm for the mass. Save for Jessica Soho, Mel Tiangco and Mike Enriquez who has been gifted with their own cutting-edge qualities that created their charm to the mass. I guess I still lack these three. And if I, myself, think that I am inadequate, how much more will the bosses who will be judging me, the listeners and the audience who will be listening to me? I still feel unequipped physiologically; thus making my vision more blurry than it has ever been.

Once, I have made a wish. Now that it’s being given to me, I am looking for other things to take apart from it.

I would just like to think that if I let this opportunity pass by, other opportunities the same as this would come again in a year or two.

Before I sleep now, the probability of getting the job in the SEO firm rates high.

Once I have made a wish. But when it is about to be granted, I have wished for another.

Deciding for a job is just a real big deal to me because I have a dream that can either be made or broken by poorly decided verdicts. Hay.