Tonight, Tears have Flowed from My Eyes

Tonight, tears have flowed from my eyes.

I am happy. I have a balanced life. I am paid for what I love to do. I walk with the Lord. I have dreams which I claim are coming true. I have a thankful heart. I have a hopeful mindset. I have good relationships.

But tonight, tears have flowed from my eyes. Because I have a love to dare or to spare.

To dare. I have a love to challenge, to continue, to insist on having. Everyday, I wake up with a thought that someone thinks of me when he wakes up – just as I do think of him in the morning. I anticipate for the chances of spending time with him in whatever kind of “date” we may have. I love the feeling of having constant reminders during mealtimes. I love seeing my Facebook photos with someone who I can call mine. I empty one of my hands to hold his hand. I hug and cuddle; I kiss and embrace. I whisper a prayer of wellness for him. I say “I miss you”, “I love to see you”, “I love you”. I say I really do.

And a love to spare. I have a love to turn my back from, to deny, to let go. Maintaining a relationship is different from having someone to love. Having someone to love is taking care of him, securing him, trusting in him. You show affection, practice fidelity, show kindness and express sweetness. But maintaining a relationship is entirely different. You have two people who think, feel and know that they have someone to love. Affection, fidelity, care, security and trust do not journey in a one-way road. It traverses highways and skyways where toll fees are paid at a high price. Maintaining a relationship is like singing in duo, dancing tango. You have a good music, you sing your part, but if the other does not, you cannot tell you’re singing with a duet. You have the music, but it turns out to be not the expected kind – where two voices blend to make a real, unmatchable harmony. 

Also, it takes two to tango. A dance will not be a dance when there is only one who exerts effort to move one’s feet, sway one’s body and shake one’s booty. It is not a dance. It is a disaster.

Tonight, tears have flowed from my eyes. Because I have a love to dare or to spare.

Relationships fall apart. People grow apart. Hearts break in pieces.

Love fades.