The Denial of a Dream

I felt like an executive of a multi-national company as I sat in front of two professionals in a closed door interview. Donned in a well-designed dark green vest and an elegantly-fit black slacks, I sat up straight and placed my hands on my lap as I conversed with them in straight, New York American English, keeping eye rapport as much as possible.

Tension seemed to be buried down the deepest layer of my muscles that I did not feel any nervousness or lack of breathing. All that in my mind were, “This is it, the stepping stone. Final interview, then I am officially part of the working sector. This is my work.” Beyond any doubt and hesitation, I claimed that this is my work

Then one of the interviewees asked, “What do you see yourself ten years from now?” From a long glance at the green background wall furthering the corporate setting, I answered, “Ten years from now, I see myself as… uh… in the management position. Writing a book and being able to produce a film: those are my personal goals.” Tension seemed to be dug out from my muscle, creating a hole of silence that filled the entire room. Finally, the interviewee responded, “Oh… writing a book and producing a film… personal goals. OK,” whilst seemingly writing a remark on my resume.

After a couple of minutes, the interview ended. I felt that I got the work. I claimed it. 

Not until I received a text message a week after, and an email two weeks after, bearing a thank-you-for-your-time-taken-but-we-have-selected-another-applicant appreciation note on it. All good thoughts seemed to vanquish upon receiving a news that I never expected to have.

Then I remembered the question that was asked to me, to which I responded with an Uh: as… uh… in the management position. I reviewed my resume and checked out the objective that I have placed therein: … start-up a career… further enhance my skills in writing and public speaking… apply my theoretical and practical knowledge… in the field of broadcast journalism. I saw the hole of silence that filled the air during the interview.

And the missing circle that should have sealed it. It was a mismatch. Because I did not say the truth.

Deep in my heart, I knew, I wanted to answer, “Ten years from now, I see myself as a successful broadcast journalist in one of the biggest networks in the country.” But I did not say it – afraid that they would not grant me the position.

However, not saying it further wreaked havoc on my application.

To this, I learned to never ever deny your dream. Shout out your vision of yourself ten years from now. And let them see the conviction in your eyes and the certainty in the tone of your voice that you are going to be it – ten years from now. As St. Paul told in his letter to the Philippians, “Therefore, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”